He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
