You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
