Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
