Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
