Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
