You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
