i was born a porn star she said
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
