respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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