I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
