one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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