hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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