I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
