you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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