I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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