Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
