i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ketchup is God's man juice
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
