I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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