i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My pussy is not your playground.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
