Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
