Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
