There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
