You can't motorboat a personality
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
