i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
