this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am naked and annoyed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
