so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
