I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
