I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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