Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
