Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
3pm strippers are depressing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
