your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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