ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
