Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
