u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
