She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
