She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
