I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you never un-have a 4some
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
