I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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