I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
