i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
