please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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