his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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