He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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