we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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