I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
