Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
