she was so not down for the gang bang
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
