everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
