Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
