So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
