he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
