She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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