wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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