I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
