yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
