he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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