What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
