No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
