I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
