Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
