I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need a beard to bite.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
