Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Vodka?
Forever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
