Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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