I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
