His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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