everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
