Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
