Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize